Your Rainforest Mind

Support For The Excessively Curious, Creative, Smart & Sensitive


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My Life as an Introverted Psychotherapy Nerd

photo courtesy of Jan Traid, Unsplash

I’m an introverted psychotherapy nerd.

I know there are other ways to live. But I don’t care.

I’ve been a client in some type of therapy since I turned 31. I’ve tried it all. Rebirthing. Holotropic breath work. Support groups. 12 Steps. Talk. Journaling. Polarity. Attachment theory. Jungian analysis. Enneagram. CBT. EMDR. EFT. HRT. Tango. Bodywork. Reading. Acupressure. Energywork. Process work. Hakomi. Fly fishing. Shamanic journeying. Grief work. Reiki. Bioenergetics. Art. Nature. Naturopathy. Psychodrama. Astrology. Couples counseling. Somatic experiencing. Massage. Soul collage. Meditation. Mindfulness. Yoga. Dreamwork. Diving into the abyss. Blogging.

Well, maybe not all. I haven’t tried antidepressants. Or ayahuasca.*

And, OK, blogging isn’t therapy. Per se. Although, it’s therapeutic. For me. If you must know.

I used to think that I was deficient because I spent all most of my time introspecting. I didn’t have much of an outer life. I didn’t join a bowling league. Or get season tickets to the opera. I didn’t follow the Grateful Dead around the country. (Hey. I live in Oregon.) I didn’t own a blender or a table cloth. I didn’t send my nonexistent kids to college. I almost didn’t have partners.

OK. I’m exaggerating. A little. I did take breaks from introspection. I was a teacher of gifted children for a number of years. An actress in community theatre for about a decade. Danced the Argentine tango in Paris. Wrote angst-y emails to attentive girlfriends. Married. Divorced. Watched my niece and nephew grow up.

I have loved. I’ve been loved.

See. I’ve done stuff.

But I can’t deny the truth. When it comes down to it, I am excessively, undeniably, inner focused. And it can appear a little weird. But, hey. There is a heck of a lot going on in my psyche. It’s really lively in there. Very entertaining.

And now that I’m a psychotherapist, I have a good reason to continue to be obsessed living this lifestyle. I get to put my experience as a client to good use. I get to guide brave souls into their abyss and show them around. So they see what they need to see. Feel what they need to feel. Find out who they really are. Then I guide them out of their abyss to live their authentic life and find their purpose(s).

Not only that. Now that I have my blog and book, I get to meet fabulous humans living all over the world who want to understand their own nerdly-ness. And I don’t have to leave my living room.

What could be better?

But why am I writing this, you ask? Am I justifying my somewhat unconventional life to you? Am I a teensy weensy defensive because I still don’t have a table cloth?

And what does this have to do with being gifted? Are all rainforest-minded souls introverted, introspective, abyss divers?

No. Some of you are extraverted, introspective, abyss divers.

The rainforest-minded are complex thinkers. Deep feelers. Analytical. Seeking self-understanding. Questioning. Empathetic. Highly sensitive. Striving to live meaningful lives. Wanting to create a better world.

But I understand. You aren’t necessarily in therapy. You may have very active, even conventional, outer lives. Kids. Opera tickets. Blenders.

But still.

If you’re introverted. If you have one nerd-like obsession or many. If you feel weird and deficient. If you’re leading an unconventional life.

And if you never get that table cloth or that blender.

Meet me in Oregon. We’ll go bowling.

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(*Note: Ayahuasca is not actually therapy. I wrote that for the humor factor. I don’t recommend it. Ayahuasca. I do recommend humor.)

(Another note: If you want to know more about psychotherapy and giftedness, click on this link. If you want to read a great description of why therapy matters, not written by me but by Heather Havrilesky, click here.)

(Last note: In case you’re wondering, I’m not writing this to surreptitiously influence you to see me for therapy. I actually am only licensed to practice in Oregon. I can, however, meet you for a consultation that would be focused on questions around your giftedness. OK? No surreptitiousness here, my darlings.)

To my bloggEEs: So happy to have you here. Your comments provide so much depth and beauty. I’m so appreciative. Are you introverted? What’s that been like for you? How have you created a life that respects your introverted needs? If you’re extraverted, how do you grapple with your needs for human contact? And: Having a rainforest mind can feel weird no matter what. That’s why we’re here. What are you feeling nerd-ly about these days?

 


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Managing Your Smartness — A Guide For The Underwhelmed And Overwhelmed

photo courtesy of Jakob Boman, Unsplash, CC

photo courtesy of Jakob Boman, Unsplash, CC

You’re capable. You’re fast thinking. You draw accurate conclusions when everyone else is still lollygagging. You’re at the finish line when others are just leaving the starting gate.

Your coworkers would benefit from your insight if only they could realize that it’s insight. But they don’t understand your leaps and you’re tired of filling in the blanks. So you sound unreasonable or outlandish.

You’re thorough. You’re deep thinking. You analyze the complicated ramifications when everyone else is preoccupied with, well, shopping. You’re scuba diving when others are water skiing.

Your friends and family members would benefit from your perceptions and sensitivity if only they could realize that it’s your rainforest mind and not an obsessive compulsive disorder. But you’ve been labeled dramatic, depressed and delusional so you’re the one in therapy.

Sound familiar? Am I in your head?

Well, then, of course, you feel like a weirdo, like a freak, like you don’t belong. You’re underwhelmed and overwhelmed.

This is especially true if you were a little tyke in a dysfunctional family. At an early age, you had extra amounts of empathy and intelligence. And you probably felt the weight of responsibility.

You still do.

So, here are some ideas that might help.

First, remind yourself that just because you have lots of skills and abilities and you can solve others’ problems, doesn’t mean that you have to step in and rescue them or take that terrible job or say ‘yes’ to every request.

Do you hear me? Reread that paragraph again, please.

It’s great that you’re so capable but it’s important to have boundaries and limits and to take time to nourish yourself. If you take care of yourself, you’ll be better able to help when the situation is appropriate. Practice this phrase when someone (including your child) asks for something : Oh. Interesting. Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you. Then, take a breath and think about it.

If you’re frustrated at your workplace and looking for support, get a copy of Rebels At Work and join their community. The authors, Medina and Kelly, write and talk about ways creative, complex thinkers can work to change the system. You’ll see that you’re not alone and you’re not delusional.

If you’re a parent, it’s especially important that you know your limits and take time for self-care. The parent bloggers here and here offer great advice.

If you’re introverted, Susan Cain‘s book and community provide support and suggestions. If you’re extroverted, you may be particularly distressed. Because you have greater needs for interactions with humans, and because rainforest minds can be hard to find, you may feel extreme underwhelmedness. Look for activities that appeal to you through meetup.com. Join an online group such as intergifted.com. Start your own meetup group, book group, astronomical society or online community.

Remember: It’s normal for you to be both underwhelmed and overwhelmed because of your effervescent, multi-dimensional, perceptive rainforest mind. Managing your smartness isn’t easy. All of those mosquitoes, monkeys and tangled vines. It’s a very very busy place.

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To my blogEEs: Do you often feel underwhelmed or overwhelmed or both? Do you tend to volunteer to help when you’d really rather not? Do you take on too much responsibility? Is it hard to set limits with others? What resources remind  you to take care of yourself? And thank you for reading and sharing. I love hearing from you!