Your Rainforest Mind

Support for the Excessively Curious, Creative, Smart & Sensitive


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A Quick Guide To Living With Uncertainty For Super Smart Overthinkers, Perfectionists, And HSPs

photo courtesy of Nathan Dumlao, Unsplash

Maybe you think that since you are gifted, you are not supposed to freak out about this global pandemic. You may also think some of the following:

You are not allowed to be anxious, confused, or unproductive. You ought to be using all of your time at home creatively while organizing your kitchen utensils, cleaning out your garage, and finally reading Anna Karenina. You should be patiently homeschooling your super excitable children with elaborate science experiments. It is your duty to call your neighbors to see who needs toilet paper. You must order meals from your local restaurants to keep them afloat. You should have gone to medical school like your father wanted so that you could find the cure for this virus because, after all, you are so smart, and you feel so much empathy for the medical professionals who should be you. You ought to be grateful that you have a home, enough food, and a 4.2 GPA and not be crushed because you can not walk at your graduation and all of the important activities you planned for the next months have been cancelled.

Am I in your head?

Meanwhile, your heart is breaking for the humans all over the planet who are dying. You are up nights imagining the implications and the connections and the possibilities that no one else is seeing. Feeling out of control is triggering your childhood trauma so you find yourself repeating old self-deprecating phrases that you thought were long gone. Friends are proposing simplistic scenarios about what is happening that enrage you. You ache for the human touch that you have not felt in weeks. You are anticipating even more complications from the effects of the climate crisis that everyone seems to have forgotten. You are ready to implode from the debilitating combination of boredom and loneliness. You feel helpless, irritable, frightened, and responsible. You are embarrassed to admit that you are secretly hoarding hair gel because just in case your future boyfriend finally appears which is well near impossible considering that you aren’t leaving your house, you have to have your hair under control.

Something has to be under your control. Right?

How about this:

Kindness. Generosity. Love. Light.

“…Our kindness is a light. The more we extend it, the brighter it becomes and the more darkness we illuminate. We can give without any expectations until goodness flows from our depths, presents new possibilities, and expands our sense of purpose…” Jean Houston

You have plenty of that Light. Perhaps you have been hiding it because you were shamed when you were young for glowing too brightly. Perhaps you do not believe in yourself because you were criticized for your enthusiasm for libraries, mycelium, the universe, and everything.

Time to shine anyway. Trust in your Light. See where it takes you. 

Here is an idea: Get quiet and tune into yourself. Breathe slowly and then feel into your body. Imagine that your Light is there. It may be hidden underneath the fears, anxiety, shame, and old dysfunctional family beliefs. Maybe you see/feel it, maybe you don’t. It is there. Believe me. Ask your spiritual network to help you. They are waiting to be asked. Feel your Light glowing. Let it soothe you and speak to you. Draw or write in your journal what you discover.

Now is our time. Our time to shine. Let’s do this.

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To my bloggEEs: What is your Light saying? How are you doing? How is this pandemic affecting you? Can you be kind to yourself as you feel anxious and overwhelmed? How might these times inspire you to create more meaning, purpose, and direction in your life? Sending much love to you all and healing songs if you or someone you love is ill. And shall we share examples of Light in the world? Here’s one. (Playing for Change) And, don’t forget about Maria Popova, Brain Pickings. And here is more emotional support. I’m thinking about how I might reach you all in other ways. Maybe video? Will let you know when I figure something out. But I won’t stop blogging! 


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Just Released! Journey Into Your Rainforest Mind: A Field Guide for Gifted Adults and Teens…

It is finally here! The book you have been waiting for! The best of my blog (2014-2018) all organized into a sweet little field guide that you can carry with you in times of stress, despair, and boredom. A book with more ideas to help you dive into your depths and find the jewels. A book that is entertaining and light-hearted enough that even your most reluctant teenager might take a look. A book that will help your therapists, teachers, doctors, and your insufferable Aunt Charlotte understand you.

While my first book is full of in-depth case studies and details that you may be reading more than once, over time, because it is a lot to take in at once, this one is full of explanations, reminders, humor, and suggestions that are easy to ingest and grok and do. Your favorite blog posts will appear like old friends ready to give you big hugs and kisses.

Of course, if you don’t yet have my first book, you will need to get that one, too, while you’re at it. And, you might even want to write a review. (Don’t worry, it doesn’t need to be long or perfect or brilliant. But it can be.)

And speaking of reviews, here is one from the super rainforest-y Dr. Melanie Hayes, the founder and director of the Big Minds Unschool in California. (a great resource for families with twice-exceptional kids)

“For those of you who have had the pleasure (and profound reassurance) of reading Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth, this companion book deepens your sojourn into your mental wilderness. Paula Prober’s wisdom and experience is evident on every page. You will find no better guide to help you examine all of the complex nuances of having a mind that is teeming with inexplicable life! Each chapter looks at ways in which gifted persons are uniquely sensitive, creative, and expressive; and gives them multiple signposts and pathways to find appropriate support. Reading this book will leave you feeling validated, accommodated, and celebrated; ready to fully explore what is waiting for you in your own rainforest mind.”

So, my darling bloggEEs, time to “fully explore what is waiting for you.” Go here and get yourself some love, and some hugs and kisses. You will be glad you did. And I will be enormously grateful.

 

 


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Are You A Driven Perfectionist In A Slacker World?

photo courtesy of Andrew Branch, Unsplash

Angela is driven. At her job as a graphic designer and communications coordinator, she works 10-12 hour days, and some weekends. Her standards for her work are well beyond those of her colleagues, including the CEO of the organization. Coworkers depend on her to keep the company functioning but also resent her high expectations, her critiques of their writing and her evaluation of their less than adequate customer service.

Angela didn’t attend college. She was raised in a seriously dysfunctional family. It’s hard to understand how she knows what she knows, unless you realize that she has a rainforest mind: A mind that learns quickly and deeply whatever it finds appealing, fascinating or complicated. A heart that feels extreme empathy for humans, animals and plants.

Coworkers take advantage of Angela. Because her work is always of the highest quality and completed in less than half the time, she’s one person doing a two-three person job. Not only that: Workmates ask her to create invitations to their kids’ birthday parties and to design the programs for their Aunt Matilda’s half-sister’s memorial. In her spare time. For free. She does it because she can and because she can’t say ‘no.’

Angela is a driven perfectionist in a slacker world.

I tell her: “Just because you’re able to do it, doesn’t mean you have to do it. You have a right to set boundaries. To say ‘no.’ To have a life outside of your job.” But her extraordinary abilities, her empathy and her early trauma all tell her ‘no’ is not an option.

I tell her: “Feel your satisfaction-sometimes-joy in finding the perfect phrase and the most striking images. Understand that others may not notice or care. Feel your satisfaction-sometimes-joy anyway.” This is the healthy perfectionism that comes with a rainforest mind. Regular people may not understand it.

I tell her: “If you feel resentment, anger or extra stressed at your job, consider allowing some of your work to be less than extraordinary. Settle for excellent. Notice if you need to excel because it gives you joy or because you have to prove your worth. Or both.” If it’s unworthiness, it’s unhealthy perfectionism. You can thank your dysfunctional family for that. Your therapist can help you detach your sense of worth from your achievements.

Well, then. If you are, like Angela, a driven perfectionist in a slacker world, take heart. Find the places where your drive, idealism and high standards are appreciated and needed. (Your favorite struggling nonprofit? Your gifted kids? Your community garden? Your elderly neighbors?) Spend time in those places.

And, your coworker’s Aunt Matilda’s half-sister? I’m pretty sure she won’t mind if there aren’t any programs at her memorial.

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To my bloggEEs: Does Angela sound like you? Do you find yourself overworked and under-appreciated at your job, at school or at home? Are you a perfectionist? How do you manage your drive, high standards and expectations? How do make time to rest? And, if you’re wanting to improve your work environment , in spite of the slackers, and don’t know where to begin, try the folks at Rebels At Work for ideas and for a community of like-minds. And thank you for being here.