Your Rainforest Mind

Support for the Excessively Curious, Creative, Smart & Sensitive


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Loving the Wounded Gifted Child Within

photo courtesy of chinh le duc, Unsplash

When you were a little tyke, you probably had passions, curiosities, quirks, and quests.

You may have corrected the adults who didn’t know the difference between crimson and red. You may have wondered why the other kids wanted to be bunny rabbits for Halloween when they could be Richard Feynman. You may have corrected your teacher’s spelling. You may have cried when you heard a Bach concerto. You may have read every Ray Bradbury book you could find. You may have preferred BBC documentaries to Mickey Mouse. You may have questioned why the other five-year-olds were so immature and what it was about birthday parties that they loved so much. You may have organized a fund drive for the homeless kids in your town.

If you grew up in a dysfunctional or abusive home, you may have protected your siblings from harm. You may have hidden your sensitivities while fine-tuning your capacity for vigilance.  You may have been the most responsible one in the family. You may have become an expert nurturer of others and a lousy self-carer. You may have become a super-achiever. You may have been lost in a swamp of depression, anxiety, too-many-decisions, troubled relationships, and convoluted potential. You may have expected yourself to heal your parent’s addictions single-handedly; To be perfectly perfect at all times.

That little tyke? Needs your love.

You might think that it should be easy to love that child.

It’s not that simple.

Sure, you have lots of empathy. For others. But when it comes to yourself, you may feel judgment, criticism, doubt, and despair. You may feel that your child self is too emotional, too needy, too scared, too bossy. Too noisy. Too powerful. Maybe you will be overwhelmed with grief or anger if you acknowledge that little one. Or you will get stuck in the past when you think you should be letting go and moving on. Or you will be too vulnerable.

What you need to know is that the wounded gifted child in you is waiting. For your attention. Validation. Company. The wounded child doesn’t need much really. From you. Your understanding of what they have been through. Of why they get frightened or feel out of control or want to hide. Of why they need security and predictability now. Your empathy. Your patience. Your acceptance.

But that may be hard for you until you have been in therapy for a while and experienced what healthy validation feels like. From a loving, reliable adult who knows the journey. Who has rescued their own lost gifted child self. A therapist who knows that the road to heal a family legacy of abuse and neglect, generations of trauma, takes courage and time.

A therapist who loves your passions, curiosities, quirks, and quests.

Who loves you.

And their own little tyke.

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To my bloggEEs: I understand that it might take time to find the right therapist. Here are some places to look. In the meantime, there are some things you can do. Look for articles and books about Internal Family Systems Therapy. Or books about inner child work or Jungian active imagination. Keep a journal where you start a relationship with the many parts of yourself. Gather photos and special objects and build a small altar to your younger self.

In the comments, let us know if you have done any inner child work and what that has been like. We all benefit from your sweet sharing.

And, your inner child might like my latest book. Find it here. My first book has examples of inner child work in therapy in the case studies, if you’d like to learn more. And hugs and love to you and your sensitive, passionate, curious, smart, quirky little ones.

 


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Self-Help for the Super Smart, Persnickety Perfectionist

(Apologies to Kondo fans, especially if she didn’t really say this.)

I know you. You are a deep thinker. Introspective. You seek growth, healing, and self-actualization. It is important for you to live a meaningful life and to contribute something to make the world better. You have strong perfectionist tendencies. Some might say you are persnickety or, on a bad day, well, impatient, demanding, and a little annoying.

It’s tricky, then, for you to find resources that can help you through the hard times. You have particular needs and tastes. The typical self-help books are too simplistic, repetitive, or predictable. Some make ridiculous claims. Or they are poorly written. Or they are written by people who are too pretty. With trust funds. Where the biggest trauma in their lives was not making the cheerleading squad. (No offense to cheerleaders, trust funds, or to pretty people.)

Maybe you finally find a self-help book or program that is written by someone who seems to have substance, complex ideas, and true compassion. But, then, you become disillusioned when you discover they live in a mega-mansion in Beverly Hills. Near Kim Kardashian.

What do you do? How do you find guidance that is valuable? Guidance that passes your rainforest-minded complexity test?

Here’s an idea:

Design your own custom-made self-help program. Take bits and pieces from many programs and combine them into a plan that works for you. Embrace the parts that make sense, reject the parts that don’t. Allow yourself to have a nonlinear approach where you are working on a few different projects at once. Just because, for example, mindfulness practices are the latest craze, there’s nothing wrong with you if you prefer tai chi or gardening or doing tai chi in your garden.

Here are some self-help programs and books that clients of mine have explored and combined:

Kristin Neff’s self-compassion model uses meditation, mindfulness, and journal writing. Seena Frost’s Soul Collage taps your creativity and intuition to design a personalized tarot-like deck of cards for deep processing of issues. Pema Chodron teaches a meditation technique called tonglen that reaches beyond the personal to the universal. Internal Family Systems is a model that guides you to identify and accept your many sub-personalities while deepening a connection to your higher Self. Elaine Aron’s The Highly Sensitive Person is an oldie but goodie. Bibliotherapy recommends particular novels for insight into yourself. Larry Dossey’s One Mind can help you  explore a view of consciousness and spirituality. The app Insight Timer has many free guided meditations from which to choose plus a network of meditators.

Of course, there is always my book! (with the spiffy new cover) But you knew that. (Reviews on Amazon are greatly appreciated, by the way. Even very short imperfect ones.)

So, my dearest super smart, persnickety perfectionists, do not despair. There is a self-help plan that is right for you.

And, it includes keeping 30 books–on your nightstand.

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To my bloggEEs: What self-help tools have worked for you? How do you custom design plans to meet your complexity needs? Thank you to the clients who inspired this post.

I attended our town’s annual library used book sale today and picked up The Art of Possibility by Rosamund and Ben Zander. I’ve just started it but it’s looking like another good resource.

Want to hear me talk? I’m presenting a webinar via SENG on April 30, 2019, 4:30 PST. Join me online for: The Complex, Contradictory, Creative, Crushing World of the Gifted Adult.

I’m also speaking in Houston, Texas at the SENG conference July 19-21, 2019. I’d love to meet you there.

 


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Change The World By Galvanizing Your Giftedness

photo courtesy NASA, Unsplash, CC

photo courtesy NASA, Unsplash, CC

There are times when you might feel an urgency to maximize your mojo. To jumpstart your juju. To manifest your muse. To galvanize your giftedness.

This might be one of those times. 

I have two suggestions for you.

Because of my psychotherapeutic leanings, these ideas are inner world oriented. There are many opportunities now for outer world activities. And these are very important. (Don’t forget to include radical self-care.)

And from where I sit, changing the world is both an inside and an outside job. I specialize in the inner realms. The introspective. The neurobiopsychospiritual. The diving-into-your-abyss methods. The facing-your-demons plans.  My theory is that by doing the inside job, you become more effective on the outside. And, yes, you can do them both simultaneously. You don’t have to massacre all of your demons before writing to your congressperson or reducing your carbon footprint. Actually, you don’t ever have to massacre your demons. This is a nonviolent blog. But I digress.

Here are two simple techniques. You can start today.

Meet Your Selves

You are a compilation of subpersonalities with a higher Self at your center. Rather than being the total impostor-slacker-anxiety-ridden lost soul that you may see in your mirror on occasion, you are instead, a human with many parts. With a deep authentic radiant Essence at your core. You might have an inner critic, a wounded child, a scared addict or a paralyzed perfectionist on your list of subpersonalities. But be fair. You may also have an artist, healer, empath, scholar, inventor, athlete, and nature-lover in your psyche. So what do you do?

In your journal, enumerate all of your many parts. Choose one and start a dialogue. The idea is that you can converse with and get to know all aspects of yourself. In this way, you become friends with your “demons” and learn what they’re here to teach you. You invigorate the parts that are your strengths. And you begin to connect with the authentic, radiant Self at your core. For details about this process, go herehere, or here.

Meet Your Mentors

I know. A good mentor is hard to find. Maybe impossible. Not to worry. Make a list of humans you admire. Perhaps they’re authors, poets, scientists, artists, musicians, ancestors or athletes. They don’t have to be living. You don’t have to have met them. They can include animal companions or spiritual guides. Select about five to be your mentors, your committee, or your backup singers. List their names and what each of them has to offer you. Maybe it’s support for your creative project. Maybe it’s a sense of humor. Maybe it’s a hug when you’re in despair. Write to them when you need help. Ask for guidance. Then visualize yourself receiving their assistance or write the response in a letter from them. You may be pleasantly surprised at the results.

With these two techniques, you’ll be better able to handle the challenges of these times. You will strengthen your insides so you can be more effective on your outsides. You’ll maximize your mojo and jumpstart your juju.

You’ll get your gifted on.

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To my bloggEEs: I’d like this blog to be inclusive and apolitical. I want everyone to feel welcome. That said, I’d like to find a way to be welcoming but not ignore the events of these times. It’s tricky. I may not be doing it very well. If commenters can avoid specific political statements, that would help. And if any of you want to share your concerns with me privately, you can contact me through the About page. Know that I appreciate all of you, no matter where you stand.

Impostor, Scholar, Procrastinator, Healer — Your Multidimensional Self

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photo courtesy of Kimson Doan, Unsplash, cc

photo courtesy of Kimson Doan, Unsplash, cc

 

 

What if your multidimensionality could be divided into specific peopled-parts that you could identify, name, converse with, and learn from. What if you could bring all of those parts into a conference room and sit them down at a table for a discussion. (or for you more nature-y types to an ocean around a campfire) You may have heard of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. This is a version of that. Useful for exploring your psyche, processing problems and gaining insight.

Let’s say you’re stuck in a pattern of sabotaging your success. Invite the Saboteur to the table. Perhaps your perfectionism is keeping you from starting that project. Let the Perfectionist pull up a chair. Maybe you get anxious when you try to initiate a friendship. Make space for the Ruminator.

But, hey, these parts of you (also called subpersonalities) are not all neurotic or troubled! Who else is in your psyche waiting to be set free? Are you intuitive and a little witchy? Is there an Artist, a Goddess, a Weaver, or an Athlete? A Seeker? A Hermit?

Make a list of all of your many parts. Don’t forget the Traumatized Child or the Caretaker or the Couch Potato or the Shining Light.

Because you have a rainforest mind, you very likely have many parts. (Your very own inner community!) Don’t be shy. Make the list and, then, write a little description after each.

You see, this way, you don’t have to define yourself as depressed or anxious or hopeless. Instead, you get to see that a part of you is, say, depressed. And you can get to know that part and find out what it’s trying to tell you or teach you. But depressed is not all of who you are. It may feel like that on your worst days, but it’s not all of you. It’s a part that you can work with and grow to understand.

And that understanding can help you feel more self-accepting and hopeful.

There are resources where you can find out more about this technique. You can find it in books about journal dialogues or in the book Self Therapy. You can get the therapy theory in the book by Richard Schwartz, the originator of this model.

One more aspect to IFS, perhaps the most important, is this: Schwartz says that we all have an Essence or a big Self or a Divine Self. That is who we really are. The subpersonalities are how we most often deal with the world but at our core is our True Nature. The goal is to live as often as we can from that Self. You might be familiar with this if you’ve read Carl Jung. It makes so much sense but isn’t easy to achieve.

Knowing your Essence is an on-going process. When do you feel peaceful? Joyful? Deeply compassionate? Chances are, at those times, you’re in touch with your True Self. Make a list of those experiences. Are you painting, writing, meditating, singing, gardening, hiking, blogging, running? Practice deepening those moments as you gain awareness of your body-mind-spirit. Notice when a subpersonality shows up. Welcome him/her. Sit by the fire for a chat.

Getting to know all of your selves along with your Divine Self is one way to better navigate your rainforest mind. And to live as the fully complicated, adorable, multidimensional being that you are.

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To my bloggEEs: Some of you have asked for more specific resources and ideas. I hope this helps. Let us know if you try it and what you discover. Thank you from my Blogger self. Big hugs and kisses from my Essence!

14063786_10208929148198523_1648417606332075114_nThis post is part of a blog hop via Hoagiesgifted.org. For more posts on the topic of Community click here or on the image.