Your Rainforest Mind

Support For The Excessively Curious, Creative, Smart & Sensitive


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Paralyzed By Your Great Potential

photo courtesy of Josh Marshall, Unsplash, CC

When you were a child, you were praised for your abilities. You did most things earlier and faster than your peers. You scored well on tests. Everyone was impressed. And they told you so. They said that you had so much potential. So. Much. Potential. You determined that you had to keep performing at that highest rate to keep the attention and accolades coming. Before long, it turned into pressure. Your self-worth depended on it. It was something that you had to live up to or you would no longer be the superstar, the golden child, the winner, the prodigy.

Maybe you kept achieving in spite of the pressure. Maybe you didn’t. Either way, this great-potential-thing? It had an impact. A significant impact.

So now, in adulthood, you may ask: At what age do I no longer have potential? Am I no longer precocious because I just turned 30? If I actually achieve something, does that mean that I lose my potential? How do I live up to these expectations? If I have to work hard to achieve something, does that mean that I never really had potential? If I don’t reach my potential am I a shiftless, sluggish, slothful slacker?

So many questions. So little time.

Potential becomes a burden when we see it as a predestined calling to impressive accomplishments. Both parents and children can become seduced into focusing on performance rather than growth, on being The Best rather than making progress, and on accumulating external awards and accomplishments as the primary measure of worth. Worst of all, this one-dimensional perspective on potential creates a terrible fear of failure.”   Eileen Kennedy Moore

What if we rethink great potential? What if it includes impressive failures along with outstanding accomplishments? What if great potential means resplendent mistakes along with notable achievements?

And here’s a revolutionary thought: What if great potential has nothing at all to do with accomplishments?

Potential is not an endpoint; it’s a capacity to grow and learn. Nurturing children’s potential, in the broadest sense, means cultivating their humanity. It involves supporting their expanding abilities to reach out to others with kindness and empathy, to feel part of something bigger than themselves, to find joy and satisfaction in creating a life that is personally meaningful…and so much more.”   Eileen Kennedy Moore

So, go ahead. Cultivate your humanity. Reach out to others with empathy. Find joy.

Live up to your great potential.

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To my bloggEEs: Do you feel pressure to live up to your great potential? What does that mean to you? How have you been impacted? What do you think of this new way of looking at it? I appreciate hearing from you. Your comments add so much. And, thank you to the readers who inspired this post.

 

 

 


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What Your Ruminating, Analyzing, Synthesizing Mind-Body Needs

photo courtesy of Ron Sartini, Unsplash, CC

When you have a rainforest mind, you’re a deep, fast thinker. Your mental capacity is vast. You think, worry, question, ruminate, reckon, critique, imagine, analyze, synthesize, emote, and evaluate. Most of the time. OK. All of the time. 

So, I’m wondering. What about your body? Do you give your body the attention that it deserves? Do you notice your mind-body connection? Are you tuned in to what your body is telling you? Because, if you’re a highly driven creative ruminator-imaginer-analyzer, which, face it, you are, then, your body is not a passive participant. Your whole body is also ruminating, imagining and analyzing.

This may be obvious to some of you. If so, you can go back to training for that marathon. I’ll see you next time.

If it’s not obvious, listen up.

I’m very aware of my own on-again-off-again relationship with my physical self. It’s been a long-standing conundrum. For most of my life, I’ve been able to ruminate quite well without regard for what my body might be experiencing. But, over the years, I’ve learned that these bones might have something to say. This body might be a source of intuition or wisdom or, dare I say, pleasure. There might be some old trauma that has made its home in my heart that is ready to leave. Or relaxing my neck muscles after a long day of thinking, worrying and questioning could be beneficial.

Who knew?

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that I awakened my mind-body through the Argentine tango. The tango has been my entry into body-ness.

And there are many other embodying methods that I’ve experienced as well: Massage. Rolfing. Breathwork. Somatic psychotherapy. Gardening. Hiking. Walking. Reiki. Energy work. Tree hugging. Meditation. Yoga. Singing. Acting. Hot showers. Salsa dancing. Other possibilities I haven’t tried: Running. Body building. Skate boarding. Bungee jumping. Hang gliding. Mountain climbing. Wingsuit flying. Volcano surfing.

You get the idea.

The more driven and mentally speedy that you are, the more you’re going to need to attend to your mind-body. Pay attention to its needs. Teach it to relax. Appreciate its wisdom. Listen to its messages.

And if you go volcano surfing, well, I don’t think I want to know about it.

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To my bloggEEs: Tell us what you do to care for your mind-body. Do you feel deeply embodied? Disconnected? How do you relax your mind-body? What are your bones telling you? (If you’ve experienced trauma in childhood, you might have a very complex mind-body experience. Here’s an introduction to that information from Maria Popova in Brain Pickings shared by Jen at Rediscovering Yourself.)

It’ll be three years this month since I started this blog! I so appreciate all of you for continuing to read, share and comment. I hope to build a page at some point so that it’ll be easier to find posts on topics of interest. For now, though, remember that you can use the search engine or the tags to find what you’re looking for.

And, I just received notice that I’ll be presenting at the SENG conference in August 2017 in Chicago, USA. I’d love to meet many of you there!


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Why You Still Don’t Believe That You’re Gifted

photo by Maarten van den Heuvel, Unsplash

photo by Maarten van den Heuvel, Unsplash

People tell you that you’re super smart. They’re baffled by how much you know and how you know it. You can ace a test without studying. You can talk with just about anyone about just about anything. You’re always thinking, analyzing, imagining and empathizing.

But you’re sure that you’re not gifted.

How is that possible?

Here are some ideas:

• You know how much you don’t know.

• You think you’re normal. Doesn’t everyone obsess about Dr. Who and David Attenborough’s Planet Earth documentaries?

• Too many people have told you “Don’t get a swelled head,Who do you think you are,” “You think you’re so smart,” or “Nobody likes a know-it-all.”

• You value justice and equality. If someone is gifted, someone is not gifted. It can imply that you’re better than someone else.

• Your Aunt Mindy was gifted and she didn’t turn out too well.

• You haven’t sent rockets into space or designed something “insanely great.”

• You’re good at faking it. If people knew the real you, it would be obvious that you’re average.

• You’ve been told over and over that you can’t possibly know as much as you know. You’re starting to believe it.

• When you were in school, it was embarrassing and lonely to be the smart kid.

• You’d have to live up to it and the PRESSURE would be overwhelming and then everyone would be disappointed in you and the PRESSURE would be even more overwhelming. So overwhelming, then, that you’d have to disappear into a witness protection program and acquire a new identity and not even Sherlock could find you.

• You fear rejection from family and friends. You want to belong, to fit in, to be normal.

• You have so many interests in so many diverse areas that you flit from topic/job to topic/job instead of mastering only one topic/job thoroughly and completely for your entire lifetime. In fact mastering ONLY ONE topic/job thoroughly and completely for your entire lifetime is totally terrifying.

• If you were gifted, you wouldn’t be so anxious, so depressed, so not rich or so bad at chess.

Why does it matter? Why do you need to realize that you are, in fact, gifted?

I’m glad you asked. It’s pretty simple. If you accept and embrace your giftedness (your rainforest mind), you’ll be better able to find your authentic voice and contribute in your uniquely sensitive, intense and complicated way to making a better world. Your Aunt Mindy will thank you! (so will your kids, your friends, your partner, your pets, your colleagues, your neighbors, your trees, your rivers, your planet….) 

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To my bloggEEs: Tell us, why it is that you still don’t believe that you’re gifted. Or, if you do believe it, tell us how that happened. Thank you for sharing. I so appreciate that you’re here!


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Tango With Your Despair

photo courtesy of Konstantin, Flickr, CC

photo courtesy of Konstantin, Flickr, CC

Despair.

Not your favorite emotion. Not how you want to spend your day. Not helpful when your cranky teenager wants the car keys. Not the most uplifting part of your memoir.

But here it is. Dancing the tango. Dragging you around the dance floor. It’s got you in its arms; holding you close. Singing its mournful melodies. You’re vulnerable, barely breathing. Dressed in black. Mesmerized by despair’s mystique. You want to escape the embrace. But there’s something about this tango. This dance partner. Impossible to resist.

Like every good tango dancer knows, the connection is everything. You must tune into your partner’s beating heart. Become one body with four legs. Unity is the goal. Reaching it is just a little joyful. Maybe a lot joyful.

Joy? Despair? What?

Stay with me on this.

Imagine that you can tango with your despair. Rather than push it away or pretend that it doesn’t exist, dance it. Embrace it. Listen to its song. Cry. Rant. Write. Make art. Feel its power in your body as you stride around the dance floor. As your feet connect with the earth beneath the floor. Tango with your despair.

Imagine that in the heart of despair, you’ll find your Self. As you become One with despair, you expand, you deepen, you open to possibilities. If you soften into it, rather than resist it, your dance will improve. You’ll find a way through. Perhaps a creative direction will appear. Maybe your intuition will speak. You might notice a burden lift.

Maybe you’ll even feel a little joyful.

“ Joy doesn’t betray but sustains activism. And when you face a politics that aspires to make you fearful, alienated and isolated, joy is a fine act of insurrection. ” ~ Rebecca Solnit

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To my bloggEEs: Sensitive rainforest-minded humans need a little joy right about now. (By the way, this process can work with other painful emotions. Here’s a resource for more ideas.) Thank you for being here and for your compassionate sharing.

Oh, and I’m working on some restructuring of this blog/website. So don’t be surprised if you see some changes soon-ish. It’ll still be me, sending you my love notes.


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Blogs On Gifted Kids That You Will Love

photo courtesy of Justin Luebke, Unsplash, CC

photo courtesy of Justin Luebke, Unsplash, CC

Below are links to some of my favorite blogs. I have to admit, my dear readers, that I have a not-so-hidden agenda. All of these fabulous bloggers have reviewed my book. You get a two for one deal: Recommendations for great blogs on giftedness plus sensitive thoughtful reviews of my book.

Thus, if you’re still wondering if my book is worth the price, you can see what these fine humans have to say. Then you might want to sign on and follow these bloggers. After that, you can bike to your neighborhood bookstore or to Amazon and buy copies for yourself, your teens, your therapist, your favorite teachers and your eccentric Aunt Maxine.

Here we go:

Pamela Price writes a fascinating blog that covers multiple topics including raising gifted children, education, bullying, self-care, food security and elder care. She’s written a book on homeschooling  and another on bullying. Here’s her review, plus an interview with me.

Gail Post is a psychologist in PA, USA. Her writing is very clear and concise. She has both professional and parenting experience and writes about underachievement, perfectionism, schooling, advocacy, social isolation and so much more. Here is her interview with me.

Caitlin Fitzpatrick Curley is a mother of three young rainforest minds. You’ll notice her resourcefulness as you scroll through her site and wonder how she manages to homeschool, share her insight and find so many incredible resources to recommend to other parents. You’ll also find her at the Huff Post. Her review is here.

Lucinda Leo is based in the UK. She’s been a lawyer, a cognitive hypnotherapist and is now a dedicated mum of two energetic gifted kids. She writes  a lot about intensities, sensitivity and overexcitabilities. Here is her lovely, personal, detailed review!

Jade Rivera is an innovative educator and compassionate soul who wrote a very practical book about starting a micro school. She blogs for parents of 2e kids and educators. Her review is here.

Numinds Enrichment is a blog for parents and educators written by two enthusiastic, creative educators and a sensitive big-hearted parent. Numinds is a “revolutionary educational enrichment company” based in Dallas, Texas. Emily, the big-hearted parent, wrote this review.

Celi Trepanier is the mother of three gifted boys and writes the popular parenting blog Crushing Tall Poppies. Her excellent book, Educating Your Gifted Child, is published by GHF Press. Her review is here.

Jennifer Harvey Sallin runs the innovative website and FB group, Intergifted, an international home for gifted adults (ok, not kids, but it needed to be here anyway). The website contains well-written articles, courses and opportunities for coaching. Read her comprehensive review here.

Ann Grahl runs the important website Supporting Gifted Learners. Her sensitivity and knowledge is clear in her posts. Here is her review.

Lisa Conrad provides loads of resources and information for parents of gifted kids.. Her weekly Twitter events on gifted topics include lists of related articles, blogs and books. She has a list of professionals here. (therapists worldwide who understand giftedness) You can find her review on Amazon along with several others.

There are even more wonderful blogs on giftedness but I didn’t want to overwhelm you. Look for them on the two excellent websites that have been serving gifted families for years: giftedhomeschoolers.org and hoagiesgifted.org.

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To my bloggEEs: Do you have other resources you’d recommend that have helped you understand your rainforest mind? Thank you, as always, for reading and sharing.


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Too Sensitive, Too Dramatic, Too Intense –What Is Emotional Intelligence?

photo courtesy of Swaraj Tiwari, Unsplash, CC

photo courtesy of Swaraj Tiwari, Unsplash, CC

How do we define emotional intelligence when we’re talking about your rainforest mind?  

Maybe you feel that you are the opposite of emotionally intelligent.

Here are some possible reasons:

You feel emotionally UN-intelligent because when you were a youngster, everyone told you that you were too sensitive, too dramatic and way too emotional.

You feel emotionally UN-intelligent because when you were a little tyke you had frequent flamboyant meltdowns.

You feel emotionally UN-intelligent because you’re easily upset by fragrances, chemicals, clashing colors, social media, depressed relatives, ignorant politicians, leaf blowers and bad architecture.

You feel emotionally UN-intelligent because you cry when you watch corny TV commercials or when you watch your child sleeping or when trees are cut down or when you read an angry Facebook post.

But what if all of the above are not indications that you are a histrionic, hysterical, neurotic, emotional cripple? But, instead, are signs of your emotional maturity, your emotional expansiveness, your emotional, yes, intelligence.

Let me explain.

A sign of rainforest-mindedness is depth. Depth, complexity, intensity. That means that you have EMOTIONS. Where your neighbor might feel sad, you feel despair. Where your uncle might feel happy, you feel joyful. Where your partner might feel angry, you feel rage. Where your classmate might feel bored, you feel desperation. Where your friend might feel nothing, you feel awestruck.

See what I mean?

And these feelings aren’t purposeless. No siree. They make you perceptive, insightful and compassionate.

That said, your EMOTIONS might overwhelm you. They may get out of control or stuck. You might feel like you’re drowning or lost or paralyzed or sick. Anxious. Depressed. Frightened.

If that happens, there are strategies. Things you can do. Read this post for some ideas. And here are more resources. And, of course, there’s my book. (And if you’re a male, this is even more complicated. Read about it here.) And, of course, if you feel anxious, depressed or frightened much of the time, seek out a sensitive therapist.

And yet. Remember this: The despair, the joy, the rage, the desperation, the awestruck-ness. None of it makes you emotionally UN-intelligent.

It makes you gifted.

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To my bloggEEs: What are your thoughts about emotional intelligence? How do you cope with your intense emotions? How have your found these emotions to be beneficial? If you’re a male, how has your sensitivity been problematic? helpful?

For even more posts on the topic of emotional intelligence click on this link:

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Five Brave Books That Soothe And Inspire

photo courtesy of Glen Noble, Unsplash, CC

photo courtesy of Glen Noble, Unsplash, CC

Sensitive, insightful, emotional, book-loving humans like you may need some extra support during these turbulent times.

Here are five fabulous books to guide you. To give you hope and direction. And even a few laughs.

Belonging Here: A Guide for the Spiritually Sensitive Person by Judith Blackstone

Psychologist Blackstone knows giftedness. Through her own hard-earned awakening, she developed a process for finding your authenticity through your body.

“Sensory sensitivity…is a gift that can help us awaken to our spiritual essence. By becoming even more sensitive, we can uncover a subtle, unified dimension of ourselves in which stimuli register without overwhelming us. We can enjoy a world of vivid and subtle sights, sounds, fragrances, tastes, and textures. We can even sense an inner world beyond or beneath the surfaces of the life around us, the movement of thoughts and feelings in other people’s bodies, and the subtle, multi-colored vibrations that emanate from all natural forms…”

Finding Your Way in a Wild New World: Reclaim Your True Nature to Create the Life You Want by Martha Beck

What I love about Beck is that she doesn’t take herself or her work too seriously. And yet, in this book, she shares both practical and magical ideas on the leading edge of possibilities, realities and imaginings.

“…those who reclaim the true nature of the mender’s Imagination, grounded in presence and shaped by compassion, can find their way in a wild new world. Perhaps they can even renew, re-wild, and restore the world itself.”

Daily Afflictions: The Agony of Being Connected to Everything in the Universe by Andrew Boyd

This book has been described as: “A dark, twisted, existential manifesto posing as a book of daily inspiration.” It’s funny and philosophical.

“The Tragedy of Commitment…Sometimes you are paralyzed with indecision. You can’t bring yourself to choose any one future because to choose one is to forsake the promise of all others. Yet not choosing is making you crazy. In such a drastic state, drastic action is necessary. You must choose–and then, one by one, murder all the futures you passed over…”

Soul Collage: An Intuitive Collage Process for Individuals and Groups by Seena Frost

If you’re looking for a deep, artistic, simple and creative way to express yourself and find inner guidance, try this one on. You’ll be creating a “visual journal” that may surprise you with its messages.

“The SoulCollage process is a way to tend soul and explore psyche at the same time.”

Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth by Paula Prober

You’ve probably heard about this one! If not, here’s part of a lovely review from Jennifer Harvey Sallin at Intergifted.

“…It is obvious reading Paula’s work why she was made for helping gifted people, why her presence and her work strike such a chord with gifted people of all ages all over the world, and why people eagerly await her contributions. She is a model for us all – helping professionals working with gifted people and gifted people ourselves. Should we all be like her when we are celebrating almost 40 years of work well done, we should all be grateful and proud…”

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To my bloggEEs: Now it’s your turn! Tell us about the books you love and why you love them. Fiction, nonfiction, poetry. All are welcome.