Your Rainforest Mind

Support for the Excessively Curious, Creative, Smart & Sensitive


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Can Gifted Kids Become Ungifted Adults?

Heck no.

Just to be clear.

photo courtesy of joe ciciarelli, Unspash

But. Well. You may feel ungifted now that you are in your 40’s and you haven’t reached the goals you had at seven. At seven, when you were such a star. All that enthusiasm. Curiosity. Creativity. You knew all the answers. You asked all the questions. Everyone said you had so much potential. You were going to be an astronaut-poet-dancer-paleontologist-unicorn.

And now you are just a procrastinating, perfectionistic, ruminating, self-doubting, overwhelmed, unicorn mess.

So, what happened?

Is there a way to explain how you went from shining superstar to must-be-ungifted mess?

Maybe. I have a theory.

Life happened.

Many experiences, traumas, losses, rejections, prejudices, expectations, beliefs, pressures, illnesses, misunderstandings, or unicorn-killers may have intervened over the years.

Chain saws to your rainforest mind.

Here are some examples. In no particular order:

  • The pressure to be highly intelligent was enormous. You were constantly told how smart you were and how you would achieve great things. You felt you would only be loved and acceptable if you excelled at everything. And for a long time, you did. But eventually, the pressure was too great and you fell apart.
  • You were raised in a family with a history of serious trauma. School was your sanctuary and you did well but at home you had to use your rainforest mind to stay safe and sane. Because of this resilience, you are now a compassionate, sensitive adult. You are not passing the trauma legacy on to anyone. But dealing with your Complex-PTSD did not give you much time or energy to invent the iPhone.
  • You were bullied in school and rarely intellectually challenged. Being the smart kid was not appreciated so you hid your abilities and tried to fit in. In college, it was more of the same. And when you did find a class that was difficult, you did not have the study skills you needed to be successful. It didn’t help that your divergent thinking style, your preference for an interdisciplinary approach, your changing majors five times, and your tendency to question your professors, made you unpopular and labeled a know-it-all. You took your intelligence underground.
  • You were twice-exceptional. Your giftedness was complicated by a diagnosis of ADD or autism spectrum issues or sensory processing challenges or dyslexia or ??? The question, “If you’re so smart, why can’t you…” became all too familiar and debilitating.
  • You experienced racism, homophobia, transphobia, anti-Semitism, or other discriminatory beliefs/behaviors. You grew up in poverty and/or in an unsafe community.
  • You contracted a serious physical illness. You were in chronic pain.
  • You became a parent.

These are some of the reasons you may not have become the astronaut-poet-dancer-paleontologist-unicorn that you and everyone else expected.

But I have good news. It is not too late.

No pressure. Well, maybe a little pressure.

And, yes, I realize you might not have the time to go to astronaut school. But now that you know what has contributed to your self-perceived ungiftedness, now that you know your rainforest mind is still very much with you, you can start to find your true self again.

And do what you are here to do.

We need all the unicorns we can get.

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To my bloggEEs: Do you remember your enthusiasm, intelligence, and curiosity as a child? Do you feel less gifted now? Ungifted? Which chain saws did you experience? Let us know. Your comments add so much. And thank you for being here. Sending you extra love this week. And this month. For the challenges ahead. Take good care of yourselves. Your light shines even when you think it doesn’t.

(And if you need a little more support, here is a Love Letter I wrote to you in 2018.)


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My Book is Getting a New Look — Coming Soon!

design by Claire Flint Last, Luminare Press

My book cover is getting an upgrade. The content will be the same but my book will now have a fabulous cover, too. (designed by Claire Flint Last of Luminare Press here in Eugene, Oregon) When it’s available for purchase, I’ll announce it on Facebook and Twitter. And here.

If you haven’t decided if you want to read it, here’s one person’s insightful opinion:

“Why read Your Rainforest Mind?

– Because the countless examples of what it’s like to be an RFM will make you laugh and cry and feel validated for the amazing being that you are
– Because the book is filled with practical strategies to help with the everyday challenges RFMs face
– Because of the dozens of links to books, articles and websites for further research
– Because after reading it you’ll be a hundred steps closer to knowing your place in this world
– If you’re bringing up a young RFM, you’ll worry less and enjoy your child more

When you grow up believing there’s something wrong with you because you’re so different from other people, you get used to camouflaging yourself to be accepted. Buried deep within, your authentic self yearns to be heard – and yet you don’t even realise the extent to which you’re denying it. Then you read stories like the ones that fill this book, and you nod and you cry as you realise you’re not the only one who feels this way. And gradually that hidden self begins to feel safe to come out and be seen.

I loved the book’s exploration of perfectionism – both intrinsic and extrinsic – and its link to procrastination. I loved the discussion about how choices, possibilities and multipotentiality can be overwhelming. I loved the practical strategies for dealing with the big and small challenges gifted individuals face. I resonated with the chapter on loneliness, and resolved to take action to connect with other RFMs. And I adored the chapter on ‘Authenticity, Creativity and Spirituality’ which finally made me realise that my lifelong search for spiritual meaning isn’t an aberration from my intelligence, but a part of it.

I whole-heartedly agree with the reviewer who says this book rises to the top of the giftedness literature for its holistic approach to understanding gifted people.”

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To my bloggEEs: Have you read my book yet? What did you learn about yourself? If you’ve read it already but want the one with the spiffy new cover, give the old one to a friend or to your therapist and treat yourself to the pretty book. And thank you, my darlings, for your courage, curiosity, intensity, and sensitivity! (and an extra thank you if you write a review on Amazon) And if you haven’t read my book yet, well, stop procrastinating, sweetie pie.

With appreciation to LL, for this wonderful review. Gratitude to Celi Trepanier and the new GHF Press for their willingness to make this change.