Your Rainforest Mind

Support for the Excessively Curious, Creative, Smart & Sensitive


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A Gifted Teen In Malaysia — What Is Normal?

photo courtesy of satria hutama, Unsplash

I am on a quest to see what rainforest-mindedness looks like around the world. So far, we’ve “visited” Portugal, Spain, the Netherlands and Finland. Today, we are in Malaysia.

Meet Mila*, who is Muslim and 18.

“..I was too sensitive, too easy to cry, too easy to fall sick, and an unstoppable chatterbox…I struggled a lot at 14…I couldn’t understand why do we exist, what do we want from this short span of life, why should we work hard to earn money when death is inevitable, and why are my friends putting so much effort to make good grades? It is meaningless…I felt like I was about to lose my mind…They don’t really think about life, about the world, about the society…why don’t they search for something more meaningful…? Why don’t they want to understand the learning materials more deeply? Why don’t they care when war is still happening? …I lost my hope in humanity…Don’t you have the urge to be the best version of yourself, to make changes in this world?…”

Existential questions at an early age can turn into existential depression. Concerns about justice issues beyond your self can leave you anxious, hopeless, and lonely.

“…School was really frustrating….I prefer to study on my own, with my own method. I am not academic smart but my unquenchable thirst for learning is not shallow. None of my classmates understood what I was doing, nor my teacher, and it always ended up with ‘just follow the steps that I teach you’…I was seen as arrogant when I asked ‘unanswerable’ questions…My teacher says I am too abstract, when it is so crystal clear to me…”

Love for learning does not necessarily equal love for schooling.

“…it is exhausting to have feelings. Deep feelings…I cried for an hour after finishing a documentary about a politician who was corrupt..it took me a week to recover, to have hope again, for it to be crushed all over again and again…it’s hard to feel the pain of people, literally painful…It’s tiring…It is tiring to see human beings argue for the smallest matter that can be solved with five minutes discussion…It is more tiring when people don’t understand why I am tired…”

Sensitivity. Compassion. Emotion = Exhaustion.

“…I love humanities, art, and science. I still don’t have any idea what to major in but I want to know how technology works, internet AI, security…Mostly I lean more to maths, physics, chemistry, computer science, psychology, philosophy, drawing, and languages. If I have time, I would like to attend a sewing course…”

Multipotentiality is not flakiness, indecisiveness, arrogance, or ADHD.

” I have one best friend, two close friends, and many dead friends, ranging from dead classical composers, mathematicians, philosophers, and psychologists…”

Finding other RFMs can be difficult. Like Maria Popova said, “…most of my friends are dead people.”

“…I would label myself as a lifelong learner, who wishes to reduce the ignorance in myself, aspire to be the best version of myself, so that I can help other people; to achieve a meaningful life, that is giving positive value to other people no matter how small the number …I need to enrich my knowledge. I need to understand. I need to change something. I need to. I have to.

Is this normal?”

This is normal, Mila. For you. Your rainforest mind. And all of us, with you, around the world. With our very own (very alive!) rainforest-y minds, hearts, souls, and spirits.

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To my bloggEEs: Where are you in the world? Can you relate to what Mila is saying? If you would like to share your story in more detail on my blog, send me an email. paula@rainforestmind.com. I’m particularly looking for countries I have yet to write about. And thank you to Mila for sharing so much of yourself with us.

Spanish speakers! Lovely Miryam in Spain would like to hear from you. She is creating an opportunity for RFMs around the world who speak Spanish to support each other. You can contact her at midorenedo@hotmail.com.

(*Note: Photos on the blog are not of the actual person described and names are changed.)


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Understanding Your Rainforest Mind or I’m Not Gifted, I’m Just An Overthinker — The YouTube Video!

Screen Shot from Video (apologies for blurriness)

I spoke to a group of 100 gifted folks in the Netherlands last week. On Zoom, of course. Thanks to Femke Hovinga-Tiller for sponsoring the event and recording the 60 minute talk. (See below.)

Issues and Resources in the talk include:

~ Anxiety, Intensity, Existential depression

Living with Intensity by Daniels, Piechowski. The HeartMath Solution by Childre. Full Catastrophe Living by Kabat-Zinn. Books by Pema Chodron. Insight Timer, Calm, and Buddhify apps. The work of Tara Brach and Clarissa Pinkola Estes.

~ Relationships / Loneliness


The Gifted Adult by Jacobsen. Gifted Grownups by Streznewski. (Those two books cover all topics.) Books by J. Welwood. Rebels at Work by Medina & Kelly. The School of Life website. The work of Esther Perel. The work of Dr. Sue Johnson.

~ Multipotentiality


How to Be Everything by Wapnick. Refuse to Choose by Sher. puttylike.com.

~ Social responsibility, Justice issues

A New Republic of the Heart by Patten. The Parent’s Guide to Climate Revolution by DeMocker. The More Beautiful World That We Know is Possible by Eisenstein. This Changes Everything by Klein. Soulcraft by Plotkin. TheGWord film. The works of Rebecca Solnit & Van Jones.

~ Perfectionism, Expectations, Procrastination, Impostor Syndrome

Procrastination by Burka & Yuen. The War of Art by Pressfield. The Gifted Adult by Jacobsen. The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women by Young.

~ Sensitivity, Empathy, Intuition, Spirituality

Belonging Here: A Guide for the Spiritually Sensitive Person by Blackstone. One Mind by Dossey. Riding the Windhorse by Noble. Institute for the Noetic Sciences, Sounds True. The Shift Network. Susan Cain’s work. highlysensitiverefuge.com. Tara Brach’s work. self-compassion.org. Pema Chodron’s work. Soul Collage by Frost.

~ Schooling

The Boy Who Played With Fusion by Clynes. Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults, by Webb et al. Bright Not Broken by Kennedy & Banks. ghflearners.org. nagc.org. davidsongifted.org. my-little-poppies.com. onlineG3.com. thegwordfilm.com.

~ Parenting

Smart Boys by Kerr. Smart Girls in the 21st Century by Kerr. Smart Parenting for Smart Kids by Kennedy-Moore. Raising Your Spirited Child by Kurcinka. The Social and Emotional Development of Gifted Children by Neihart et al. Bright, Talented, and Black by Davis. Giftedness 101 by Silverman. drdanpeters.com. brightandquirky.com. withunderstandingcomescalm.com. coachingthegifted.net. guidingbright.com. drdansiegel.com.

And, of course, my books!

Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth and Journey Into Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide For Gifted Adults And Teens, Book Lovers, Overthinkers, Geeks, Sensitives, Brainiacs, Intuitives, Procrastinators, and Perfectionists.

And here is the video. Enjoy!

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To my bloggEEs: Let us know your thoughts, feelings, questions, and concerns. If you were wondering what I sound like and look like in action, now you know. Eek! One correction in the video: Due to a misunderstanding, my first book will not be translated into Dutch. So sorry, Dutchies! Thank you all for being here, as always, and for being your highly sensitive, intense, curious, introspective, magnificent selves. Love to you all. Stay safe. 


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Gifted, Sensitive, Curious Children In School — What Can Parents And Teachers Do?

photo courtesy of Les Anderson, Unsplash

You would think that kids who love literature, enjoy mathematical puzzles and scientific enigmas and who are curious beyond measure, would be high achievers in school and a teacher’s dream.

There are times when this is the case: When curriculum is challenging and engaging. When teachers are sensitive, enthusiastic, kind, creative, smart, flexible and organized. When classes are reasonable sizes. When administrators are supportive. When teachers get plenty of massages, dark chocolate, sleep.

And when giftedness is understood and appreciated.

Let me help you with that.

Meet six-year-old Ben. Eager to enter school, he was reading at age 4 and fascinated by the BBC documentaries on Planet Earth. He asked complicated questions about natural disasters, climate change, ancient Egypt and bacteria and told anyone who would listen about his discoveries. Ben cried easily when children or animals were hurt. He was bullied for his sensitivity and empathy. He didn’t understand why he had to practice his addition facts when he was multiplying fractions. Ben dreamed of becoming an astronaut-paleontologist-artist-poet when he grew up. He wanted to be Richard Feynman for Halloween.

Meet Louise. She loved reading and learning but was overwhelmed by middle school. Overcrowded classrooms, buzzing lights, strange odors, disrespectful students who didn’t care about learning, frustrated teachers, mean girls and the pressure to be perfect all triggered her extreme anxiety and her existential depression. She appeared confident and arrogant. She was neither. She refused to go back to school.

Meet Carmen. Even though she was an exceptional writer and former straight-A student, she was failing high school English and math. She’d become discouraged over the years with the repetitive assignments and excessive homework. But she wasn’t turning in her writing for another reason this time. Carmen had very high expectations for herself and spent hours agonizing over particular words and the interconnections within her research. There were so many ideas demanding her attention that a 5 page paper turned into a doctoral thesis. But no one ever knew. She never turned it in.

These are just a few of the gifted children that I’ve known.

What can teachers do?

Get to know all of the faces of giftedness and the ways gifted children might look ungifted. Don’t assume that these kids are lazy or arrogant or immature or ADHD if they’re not achieving. Make the time (I know you don’t have much time. It’ll be worth it.) to talk individually with them. Be curious and listen to what they tell you. Problem solve together. Be flexible with deadlines and curriculum. If you use the multiple intelligences model in your classroom, all students will expect that some assignments might be different for some kids. Reduce the amount of rote learning and repetition for the students who don’t need it. Fight for better funding for schools. Get enough massages, dark chocolate and sleep.

What can parents do?

Get involved at the school and be supportive of staff. Look for the sensitive, flexible teachers and bribe them explain nicely why your child ought to be in their class. Help your older children advocate for themselves by helping them talk directly to teachers about concerns and needs. Access school counselors and former teachers who loved your youngster, so they can be advocates. If you run into lots of roadblocks, there are options. Explore acceleration, charter schools, private schools, micro schools, homeschooling, early graduation, early college, online classes, part-time school, and tutoring. Join an online parent support group. Fight for better funding for schools. Get enough massages, dark chocolate and sleep.

There are more tips for teachers in this post. More suggestions for parents are here.

Gifted children like Ben, Louise and Carmen are extremely curious, eager learners. They can appear to be ungifted when their sensitivities, intensities, divergent thinking and perfectionism are misunderstood. They can appear to be ungifted when they resist certain assignments, suffer from anxiety or depression and stop achieving.

Teachers who understand this and appreciate these children? Teachers who are sensitive, enthusiastic, kind, creative, smart, flexible and organized? Well, they will be a gifted kid’s dream. They will be loved beyond measure.

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To my bloggEEs: Tell us about your experiences with your kids or yourself in school. What challenges did you face? What successes? If you’re a teacher, let us know what it’s like for you. As always, thank you all for being here.


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Existential Depression in Gifted Teens

photo courtesy Magnus Lindvall, Unsplash, CC

photo courtesy Magnus Lindvall, Unsplash, CC

Beth came to see me for counseling when she was 16. Unlike many teens who might be reluctant to seek counseling, she asked her mother to find her a therapist. She knew she was in trouble. When her mom contacted me, she said that Beth used to be energetic, motivated, athletic and a high achiever in school. When she was nine, she planned her future: running for President of the United States. Lately, she’d become depressed and lethargic. Her grades were dropping. Life had become pointless. What happened?

Beth told me that she was lonely. Her one friend, Maddie, was unreliable, using Beth as her counselor but never reciprocating. Beth said that kids her age weren’t interested in politics or philosophy. They weren’t asking existential questions. And, for Beth, finding a boyfriend always ended up in disappointment. The boys would accuse her of over-thinking or of being too serious. School was disappointing as well. In one instance, she said that she’d read 1984 in English class and spent hours analyzing the implications of the book and rewriting her essays. Her classmates dismissed the book. It was “stupid.”

Beth was a worrier. She was searching for meaning in her life and in the world at large. She questioned everything: the importance of grades, whether college would be worth the money, her “laziness,” internet censorship, GMOs, how she would find a meaningful career, the “enormity of the universe,” how to deal with climate change and on and on.

And yet, Beth didn’t know that she was gifted. Even though she scored well on tests, she didn’t see herself as particularly smart. She hadn’t been identified as gifted in school. She didn’t see that her problems were related to her rainforest mind.

So, I explained it to her.

I told her that she fit the profile to a tee: Extreme curiosity, constant questioning, intense sensitivity, loneliness, unusual empathy, perfectionism, intuition, passion for learning, multiple interests and abilities, anxiety and existential depression. Yep. Rainforest mind.

It took a while to convince her. She said that she was “average” and didn’t want to seem critical of others or ungrateful. But eventually, she believed me. She wasn’t a freak or lazy or a misfit. She was gifted. And now that she knew who she was and what to look for, she could find intellectual peers and look for people and organizations that also wanted to change the world. She could accept that these rainforest-y traits were positive qualities. She could research many career paths and build a life that mattered.

And, perhaps, she’d decide to run for President after all.

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Adapted from my forthcoming book: Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth available in June 2016.

To my dear bloggEEs: Oh my gosh. Where were your comments on my last post? Where did you all go? Was there something in the post that discouraged your responses?

Have you known a teen like Beth or were you a teen like Beth? Did you experience existential depression? Do you still? Did anyone tell you that you were gifted? How does it feel to know it now?