Your Rainforest Mind

Support For The Excessively Curious, Creative, Smart & Sensitive

Fifteen Quick Reminders To Help You Make It Through The ‘Holidaze’

28 Comments

photo courtesy of Jim Lukach, Flickr, CC

photo courtesy of Jim Lukach, Flickr, CC

(This post was first published on intergifted, a great site for gifted adults.)

1  You’re not too sensitive if you’re easily overwhelmed by the holiday muzak, the florescent lights, the crowds, the frenetic meaningless pace, the likely psychopathic Santa and the smell of stale popcorn at the shopping mall.

2  You’re not a failure as a human being if your siblings went to Stanford and are all doctors and have two and a half kids and you’re still wondering what to do when you grow up because you took a detour into drug treatment and psychotherapy because your soft heart and gentle spirit needed to heal.

3  You’re not lacking in empathy if you’re frustrated and irritated, well, OK, enraged by society’s focus on the status of having more and more stuff, the bigger the better, while they’re oblivious to the impact of said stuff.

4  You’re not socially inept or paranoid if you have to abruptly leave a gathering of people who seem happy and charming and delightful but who make your stomach ache because unbeknownst to your conscious mind, they’re really miserable.

5  You’re not an arrogant know-it-all if you choose to wrap the kids’ gifts in newspaper, or if you give your precocious nieces homemade light switch plates instead of Barbie dolls, or if you choose funding a homeless family over yet another plastic giraffe for your adorable nephew.

6  You’re not a bad daughter/son if you have mixed feelings about attending the family event and if you make a plan to leave early when your alcoholic relative starts to berate you about your political or religious beliefs or about why you didn’t go to Harvard when you had so much potential.

7  You are not being inauthentic if you consciously avoid certain topics with family members who you know will react with anger or misunderstanding to your attempt to explain, say, your logical reasons for changing your college major for the fifth time.

8  You’re not too persnickety if you start your own holiday rituals and don’t allow your toddler to watch reality TV, use your iPad, or learn how to operate a cell phone.

9  You’re not a failure as a parent if your holiday meal is a flop, if your kids throw their biggest tantrums ever just when the grandparents arrive, if you still haven’t gotten your hair cut or trained your dog not to beg for food.

10  You’re not an oddball if you question the traditions, religion or the obsession with television that organizes your extended family members. Well, maybe you are an oddball in that regard but there are times when oddballs are needed. This might be one of those times.

11  You’re not rude and obsessive if you are still avoiding eating the jello marshmallow carrot salad that your Aunt Gracie always makes.

12  You’re not too dramatic if you cry when your relatives tease you, well, OK, bully you, because you’re following yet another career path, you’ve stopped straightening your hair and you’re still single.

13  You’re not too intense if you can’t totally enjoy the holiday because people around the globe are suffering, the ice caps are melting and you’re distracted by your need to find and manifest your purpose on the planet.

14  You’re not too idealistic if you believe that it’s still possible for a transformation to occur where the peoples of the world embrace compassion over fear.

15  You’re not alone if you dread the stresses of the holiday season and look forward to the end of said season. And, you’re not wrong if you understand the following to be true: You are successfully sensitive, effervescently empathetic, indescribably intense, awesomely authentic, prudently persnickety, illustriously idealistic, and resplendently rainforest-minded. (And, hey, when you get a chance, could you send me the recipe for Aunt Gracie’s jello marshmallow carrot salad?)

____________________________

To my bloggEEs: Tell us what the holiday season is like for you. If you have coping strategies for the challenging times, let us know what they are. And, if you have totally joyous experiences during the holiday season, we love you, too! Oh, and the 16th reminder, my book would make a great gift for your teens, your friends, your parents, your therapist, your sensitive Uncle Phil, and your sweet self.

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Author: Paula Prober

I'm a psychotherapist in private practice in Eugene, Oregon. I specialize in counseling gifted adults and consulting with parents of gifted children. The label "gifted" is often controversial and confusing. I use the metaphor of the rain forest to describe this population. Like the rain forest, these individuals are quite complex, highly sensitive, intense, multi-layered, and misunderstood. They're also curious, idealistic, highly intelligent, creative, perfectionistic, and they love learning. I've been an adjunct instructor at the University of Oregon and a guest presenter at Oregon State University and Pacific University. I've written articles on giftedness for the Eugene Register-Guard, the Psychotherapy Networker, and Advanced Development Journal. My book, Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth, was released in June 2016 by GHF Press and is available on Amazon or at your independent bookstore.

28 thoughts on “Fifteen Quick Reminders To Help You Make It Through The ‘Holidaze’

  1. Reblogged this on litebeing chronicles and commented:
    This is such a great post about supporting us proudly weird, strongly attuned empaths/lightworkers/INFJ or INFP types during the holidaze. With the exception of the “sinfully sensitive” description (maybe it’s meant to be tongue in cheek), I wish I had written it myself.

    thank you Paula for all you do in your practice and online here at WP.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Why is it so much easier for us to beat ourselves up than give ourselves grace? I love this list! I need to read it every year. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have adopted a “one thing at a time” method of getting through the holidays. One day, the “thing” might be a party. The next day, it might be a concert. On a day without a particular “thing” scheduled, I do my shopping. I don’t worry about the next “thing” until the current “thing” is over.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love how much you’ve covered here in such a playful and relatable yet sensitive and thorough way. Thanks for another uplifting post!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is such a wonderful post, thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you so much for this post! I dread this time of the year every year. Way to many events, trying to schedule events around everybody’s calendars that it just doesn’t make the season enjoyable. I try to block out all the stresses and focus just on my family. When things involve the extended family is where the craziness begins so my main focus is to make sure that my girls have a calm Christmas season and do special family things because those will be the things they remember, not all the extra stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. #4 intrigues me, and you are very insightful, Paula. I have experienced this EXACT same phenomenon, in which I feel like I am the only one who can see everyone’s fake persona. This is such a predominate experience during the holiDAZE and one which grates on my nerves but sometimes we have to stick it out…I end up weighing the options: 1) If I excuse myself now with a fake reason, I get to leave immediately (but then will have to deal with bull***t later on…) or 2) If I stay and endure the idiocy/hypocrisy, I won’t have to deal with the bull***t later on, but *will* have to continue deadening myself for 3 more hours. Yes, we often ‘see’ what others can’t.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve heard from many clients about the experience of sensing that something is wrong while everyone around you looks fine. Then you think you must be crazy since they all look so good. They may or may not be aware of having a “fake persona” or of the anxiety beneath their seeming perkiness. I wonder, though, it you decide to leave, and give a “fake” reason if, you are just choosing the best option for yourself at the time, and that’s OK. Being authentic isn’t necessarily saying everything you’re perceiving or feeling. There may be times when you need to be strategic and if you do it with compassion, maybe you don’t need to criticize yourself for it. Make sense?

      Like

  8. And I’m in a sticky place, aren’t I, because here I am criticizing others for their ‘fake persona’ while I consider one option which requires me to be ‘fake’ in the sense of providing a nonreason to leave the group.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. No HoliDaze drama for me this year. This Christmas I’m having a nice turkey dinner all alone. Wild Turkey, that is. 😛
    Happy Holidays!

    Liked by 1 person

    • All kidding aside, the reason I have been spending Christmas alone for the past several years is precisely because of the HoliDaze.

      I used to see my family a few times per year, including the holidays. For years I was so caught up trying to put on a good act of being normal and drama-free that I failed to realize it all WAS an act, one entirely put on for my family’s benefit so that they were spared from facing an uncomfortable reality.

      At these gatherings no topic of conversation was off-limits except the one elephant in the room: me. If I had recently done another stint in the psych ward or a homeless stint, nobody in the family ever mentioned it, let alone dared ask me how I was really doing or if there was anything they could do to help.

      One Christmas Eve I was on the way to one of these gatherings when a voice in my head loudly exclaimed “HOLD IT MISTER! If none of these people can be bothered to even pretend that they care about you, then why the heck do you still pretend to not notice?!?”

      I got off the bus at the next stop and walked home. Nobody even called to ask why I hadn’t shown up. I think they knew.

      The holidays are now a lot less stressful after I decided to spare myself the trouble of all that phony baloney acting and look after myself.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, Mark. I’m so sorry it’s so painful in your family. Sounds like good self-care to stay away. When families are seriously abusive, that can sometimes be the only healthy choice.

        Like

        • I don’t know whether I should be angry or shocked at what a pack of zombies they are.

          Whatever the case, self care is important. Speaking of which, that Wild Turkey is going be some good medicine. 🙂

          Thanks.

          Liked by 1 person

  10. Yep. In my attempt to mediate the consumer craze of the holiday, I sourced most gifts from local artists, crafters, and makers. I may have been up late knitting a purple elephant for the four year old. 🙂 The cross country drive to see family I haven’t seen in over five years has me a bit cranky but lots of knitting has kept me level. Enjoying my own childrennis my only goal, I will do my best not to let my mother make me cry. And if she does it’s ok.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Dear Paula: Thanks for another illuminating and helpful post. You touched on the majority of the myriad ways that I judge myself in the face of what others seem to perceive for themselves and our society. In one of the recent posts, there was a mention of suggestions for future topics. I was wondering if it would be appropriate to discuss ways for owning the positive versions of those traits. If it is covered in another post or in your book (which is amazing), I would appreciate a reminder reference to those resources if possible for the blog. I truly appreciate the quality and tone of your writing. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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